Letters from Children that were "Written to God", known as the "Dear God" Letters.
     Kid's Dear God Letters We hope to keep adding to this list
    Dear God, Please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing good in there now. Ginny
    Dear God, Thank you for the baby brother but what I asked for was a puppy. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up. Joyce
    Dear God, I wish you would not make it so easy for people to come apart. I had to have 3 stitches and a shot. Janet
    Dear God, If we come back as something, please don't let me be Jennifer Horton - because I hate her. Denise
    Dear God, It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about you that people are not supposed to say, but I hope you will not hurt him anyway. Your friend (I am not going to tell you who I am).
    Dear God, I read the Bible. What does begat mean? Nobody will tell me. Love, Alison
    Dear God, How did you know you were God? Charlene
    Dear God, Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house? Anita
    Dear God, I bet it's very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. Nan
    Dear God, Did you really mean Do Unto Others As They Do Unto You, because if you did then I'm going to fix my brother. Darla
    Dear God, I like the story about Chanuka the best of all of them. You really made up some good ones. Glenn
    Dear God, My Grandpa says you were around when he was a little boy. How far back do you go? Love, Dennis
    Dear God, Who draws the lines around the countries? Nan
    Dear God, It's o.k. that you made different religions but don't you get mixed up sometimes? Arnold
    Dear God, Did you mean for giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? Norma
    Dear God, In Bible times did they really talk that fancy? Jennifer
    Dear God, What does it mean you are a jealous God? I thought you had everything. Jane
    Dear God, How come you did all those miracles in the old days and don't do any now? Seymour
    Dear God, Please send Dennis Clark to a different camp this year. Peter
    Dear God, Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. Larry
    Dear God, I keep waiting for spring but it never did come yet. Don't forget. Mark
    Dear God, You don't have to worry about me. I always look both ways. Dean
    Dear God, My brother told me about being born but it doesn't sound right. Marsha
    Dear God, If you watch in Church on Sunday I will show you my new shoes. Mickey D.
    Dear God, Is Reverend Coe a friend of yours, or do you just know him through business? Donny
    Dear God, In Sunday School they told us what you do. Who does it when you are on Vacation? Jane
    Dear God, We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday School they said you did it. So I bet he stoled your Idea. Donna
    Dear God, I do not think anybody could be a better God. Well, I just want you to know but I am not just saying that because you are God. Charles
    Dear God, It is great the way you always get the Stars in the right places. Jeff
    Dear God, I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday. That was Cool. Eugene

---------- Dianas - Joke Page --------------------
A Nun asked her class to write a letter to God. Here are some of the results:
    Dear God: Instead of letting people die and making new ones, why don't you just keep the ones you have? - Johnny
    Dear God: Maybe Cain and Abel would not have killed each other if they had their own rooms. It worked with me and my brother. - Larry
    Dear God: If you watch me in church on Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes. - Mickey
    Dear God: Is it true my father won't get into Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house? - Anita
     Dear God: Did You mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? - Norma
     Dear God: Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. - Joyce
     Dear God: Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up. - Bruce
     Dear God: I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big, but not with so much hair all over. - Sam
     Dear God: I think about You sometimes even when I'm not praying. - Elliot
     Dear God: Of all the people who work for You, I like Noah and David the best. - Rob
     Dear God: We read that Thomas Edison made light, but in Sunday school, they said You did it. So, I bet he stole Your idea. - Sincerely, Donna
     Dear God: I didn't think orange went with purple, until I saw the sunset You made on Tuesday. That was cool. - Sara
     Remember, to smile a while. And give your face a rest. When you preach about heaven let your face light up and fill with expectancy. But when you preach about hell, your normal face will do.
     Quip's & Quotes from our friends. Remember we have a disclaimer that if anything that follows this quote is not funny, we can not be held responsible.
     Funny Collection 1 ====== Romance Math ======
   ROMANCE MATHEMATICS Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
  OFFICE ARITHMETIC Smart boss + smart employee = profit Smart boss + dumb employee = production Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
  SHOPPING MATH A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
  GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
  HAPPINESS To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
  LONGEVITY Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
  MEMORY Any married man should forget his mistakes; there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
  APPEARANCE Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
  PROPENSITY TO CHANGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
  DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
  COMPREHENSION There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman -- before marriage and after marriage.

Actual signs seen in England: =====
  Spotted in a toilet in a London office block: TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
  Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
  Sign on a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
  Sign in a Laundromat AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
  Sign in a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
  In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
  On a church door: THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR. (THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.)
  Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales: THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED. OPEN TOMORROW.
  Outside a photographer's studio: OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO
  Outside a Disco SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN... EVERYONE WELCOME
    Sign warning of quicksand: QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED. BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL..
  Notice in a dry cleaner's window: ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF..
  Sign on motorway garage: PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS... YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS
  Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
  Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR
  Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS


===== You know you're drinking
too much coffee when... =====
  -you answer the door before people knock.
  -Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
  -you ski uphill.
  -you grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
  -you haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
  -you lick your coffeepot clean.
  -your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
  -you chew on other people's fingernails.
  -your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
  -you can type 60 words per minute ... with your feet.
  -you can jump-start your car without cables.
  -all your kids are named "Joe."
  -you don't need a hammer to pound nails.
  -your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
  -you don't sweat, you percolate.
  -you buy Half & Half by the barrel.
  -you've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
  -you forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
  -you've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
  -people get dizzy just watching you.
  -you've worn the finish off your coffee table.
  -the Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
  -Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
  -your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
  -instant coffee takes too long.
  -you're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
  -you have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
  -you short out motion detectors.
  -you don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
  -your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
  -you think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
  -you don't tan, you roast.
  -you can't even remember your second cup.
  -you help your dog chase its tail.

=== Kitchen Plaque Sayings ===
  * A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand
  * A Clean House Is A Sign Of A Misspent Life
  * A Husband Is Someone Who Takes Out The Trash And Gives The Impression He Just Cleaned The Whole House
  * A Messy Kitchen Is A Happy Kitchen... And This Kitchen Is Delirious
  * Help keep the kitchen clean - Eat OUT
  * Housework Done Properly Can Kill You
  * If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast and cheap.
  * My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines.
  * No Husband Has Ever Been Shot While Doing The Dishes
  * Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator

======
  A little boy is gone to school one day and while he is gone, his cat gets killed. His mother is very concerned about how he will take the news. Upon his arrival home, she explains the tragedy and tries to console the boy saying, "But don't worry, the cat is in heaven with God now." The boy replied, "What's God gonna' do with a dead cat?"

=====
  The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood  alcohol content.
  Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
   I live in my own little world. But it's OK...they know  me here.
   I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it.  I said, "Implants?"
   I don't do drugs any more 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up real fast.
   Sign In Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one  flea..."
   Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
   If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
   I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.
   The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
   If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a  truckload of hand grenades...
   NOW THAT'S A MESSAGE!!
   I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy the rest of your life.
   Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.
   I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am  perfect.
   I married my wife for her looks ... but not the ones she's been giving me lately.
   Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
   If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway!

Send us some of your favorites


Your fellow nut in the tree of life, mike
Watch for new titles. Start paragraph for humor section. Remember, always, if your feeling froggy, it's time to jump Smile a while and give your face a rest.